Convincing Your Parents To Let You Wear Lolita


I seem to have accidentally deleted my old Ask Miss Caro-chan post! I have reposted it, along with a new form to ask questions through, I'll now be doing the questions via Formspring, or just through the comments on the Ask Miss Caro-chan page. Hopefully, this way, I will get to answer a lot of the quicker questions that don't require a full length post!

Now that that's cleared up, today's Ask Miss Caro-chan is from Sarabelle, who asks
I'm sixteen, and have recently discovered lolita fashion...and have fallen head over heels in love with it! I want to start building a wardrobe, but I don't quite know how to tell my parents, lest they say no. What could I do/say to convince them?
Note: This post was written with the help of my friend Cherie, who had to do a lot of convincing to be able to wear Lolita when she first got started!

I have to say, as much as I know you're not going to want to hear it, there is no magic word to get your parents to let you dress in Lolita. My own parents, when I started dressing Lolita all those years ago, where OK with the fact that I had decided I wanted to look like what they thought was a crazy Victorian doll, but strange fashion choices were really not something out of the ordinary for little Caro-chan. Your parents might not be as understanding, but I'm sure you know them more than I do, but are you sure they are not going to allow to wear Lolita? There are a few things you can do to test the waters before you take the plunge into frills.

First, look at Lolita fashions with them. Either find pictures online and show them, or buy one of the various Lolita publications out there and browse through it with them. Leave it on a coffee table where they're sure to find it if you have to! Avoid something like showing them pictures of Lolitas from a manga or anime, as they might think you just want to dress like a character from a cartoon or comic book, they might not understand that some characters in anime and manga wear clothes inspired by real life. See what their reaction to this and let them know that you would love to wear these clothes. If they seem OK with the idea, then you're pretty much good to go. Try to start small though, don't dive head first into towering pink wigs and ultra-rare and expensive dresses.

If you bring up the idea of dressing like the models in these magazines and your parents give you the "I don't mind it, but not on you!" speech then you're probably going to be in for a rockier ride. There's really not much I can tell you that will grantee them to give in and let you wear the frills, but there are a few tips and pointers you can try to get them to hopefully change their minds.
  • If your parents pay for your clothes, don't start asking for very expensive pieces. Show them the cheaper side of Lolita first, such as Bodyline. Bodyline prices are very close to mainstream store clothing prices, so it won't be much more than buying "normal" clothes. Do some creative shopping yourself and pick out basics, like blouses, socks, and shoes at local stores. You're parents might not even notice that they are buying you Lolita clothes that way XD Gradually introduce them to the pricier Lolita brands and save asking for expensive pieces for birthdays, Christmas, or other special occasions.
  • Dress nicer outside of Lolita. If you typically wear jeans and hoodies your parents might not think you are actually going to wear the fancy new clothes you are asking for. There's nothing parents like less than wasting money, so show them that you can indeed dress up when you're not forced to. Wear a blouse every now and then instead of a tee shirt and, especially if you're not used to it, wear a causal skirt every now and then. Some parents are afraid that their kids are just going to ruin nice clothes, you're obviously not a 6 year old any more, running around with a Popsicle melting down your arm and a tootsie roll stuck in your hair, but sometimes parents will still treat you like that. So prove to them that not only do you enjoy dressing nicely, but that you know how to take care of nicer clothes. Check out this post about wearing elegant clothes outside of the Lolita fashion for more ideas.
  • Earn your Lolita clothes. Whether you have a part-time job, an allowance, you sell off some old stuff on ebay, or just obsessively save money from holidays and birthdays, be willing to spend some of your own money on the fashion. If you don't get an allowance, you can always try bargaining with your parents, it's what I did when I was younger since I didn't get an allowance! Agree to do something like keep the lawn mowed for a month, or do all the dishes for 2 weeks straight in return for a Lolita dress (Keep the first tip in mind though, most parents don't think doing the dishes is worth $300). Let your parents know that you are serious about wearing Lolita and you're willing do work for it if you have to!
  • Discuss your budget with your parents. If you have a part-time job of your own that pays enough to be able to afford brand, but your parents are against you spending every penny of your paycheck on Lolita, talk to them about budgeting. Instead of just blowing whole paychecks on burando, put some money aside each week until you have enough. Prove that you're mature enough with your money to pay for both necessities and luxuries.
  • Find out why they might not let you wear Lolita. Some parents are very picky about what their kids wear and don't like the idea of them dressing "weirdly". There could be a lot of reasons why they don't like the idea, they might worry that you would get picked on, or they could have a misconception about alternative styles. If they flat out say "No, my kid's not going to dress weird!" try to find out why they don't want you to and discuss it with them. Make sure it doesn't turn into a yelling match though, as that might be all the more reason not to let you.
The most important part of convincing a parent to let you wear strange and expensive clothes is to prove to them that you are both serious about it and mature enough to handle it. They might think it's just a silly and expensive phase that you are going through and will get sick of in a couple months.

What to do if your parents don't trust the fashion because of the word "Lolita"?
It's no secret that "Lolita" has a few different meanings, because of this your parents might instantly get the wrong idea about what you mean when you say you want to start dressing in the Lolita style. First of all, you shouldn't really completely avoid calling it Lolita, as they're bound to figure out that it's called that since it's on many Lolita websites and right in the title of many Lolita magazines. Explain the style to them, let them know that it is a fashion from Japan that is based on wearing modest and feminine clothes. Reading the book yourself might be a good idea, even just so you will have first hand knowledge about just how little it has to do with the fashion. Also, it's a pretty good book and a classic, so you should definitely read it for those reasons as well.

That's about all the advice I could give on the subject, like I said, there's really no sure fire way to allow your parents to dress the way you want. Some parents are just more willing than others.

To my readers, how did your parents react when you first started wearing Lolita? Did you have to do any convincing or did they encourage you to dress however you wanted?

69 comments:

  1. My parents still don't accept it. My mother keeps asking me to stop buying Lolita clothes. I just decided to do my own thing regardless of what they say.

    Then again, I'm 22. So I have the finances and the ability to be more independent.

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  2. My regular style was already very girly and elegant, so when I showed my mother the first few lolita items that I wanted, she probably wasn't surprised at all. When I told her the name of the style, I was very clear about the fact that the name was pretty much an unfortunate accident, and my mom knows that I'm mature and strong enough to handle any teasing or insults that come my way from dressing strangely. The only problem came later, when so many dresses were too tight for me in the bust area...

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  3. I was interested in lolita for about 2 years before I introduced my dad to it. I started by telling him about the huge research project I did, for which I picked lolita (and had to work hard to stay under the page limit...I feel I left so much out!) He's also seen me look at a lot of the brand websites, and asks me about the dresses and things I look at there-he's also told me I should try sewing my own things- and he knows I like it, because I told him about the first dress I wanted (which I sadly didn't get). He also knows about the name, but doesn't seem to care too much (it's japanese, ergo, it's wierd) and while he thinks the fashion is a bit odd and a bit too fancy for real life, I think the only thing he'll have an issue with is sticker shock-but for that I know he'll just sigh and tell me it's my own money. I'm glad I have an understanding dad.

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  4. Well, I didn't start wearing lolita until I'd moved out of my mom's place, so she really has no say in my fashion choices. But I think she likes it a lot more than some of the stuff I used to wear (cyber goth days, how I miss thee).

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  5. My mom's reaction is basically "I'm just glad you stopped wearing so much black!"
    I evolved from Goth into Goth-loli with a love of rose and aqua. :) So she likes it more.
    However, a note on the book Lolita. My mother was afraid of the fact it shared it's name with Nobokov's book, and after researching it, I discovered it was named lolita mostly because the story is about a beautiful young girl and (it is my belief) that the Japanese people who coined the term were unaware what that book actually meant.
    I rather enjoyed it until Lolita began to whine and complain and just use the poor main character for all his money. She was not what I would consider a true Lolita.
    Lolita fashion supposedly was spurred because it was rebelling against all the fashion showing too much skin and being skin tight. It's about the beauty in modesty and femininity. If anything, people's parents should be happy their child wants to wear frilly dresses instead of dress like Britney in her 'Slave 4 U' video.

    A way to ease into it: try adding hair accessories. Like a small bow and curling your hair every now and then. Shop vintage stores to find low priced older-style clothing. Learn to sew a little bit and begin to make your own accessories. :) these are all things I began doing recently and I wish I'd done it sooner!

    Another note on my family's reaction: My grandmother always says I dress like she did when she was young, and my mom always comments about how she hated wearing dresses similar to mine when she was growing up, and she much preferred blue jeans. (She wears a t shirt and shorts to work everyday. A typical wash and wear woman.)

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  6. I've always dressed strangely I suppose. My best friend's first memory of when we first met in 7th grade was that I had a stuffed animal parrot safety pinned to my shoulder.
    I honestly don't think my parents have noticed or even cared that I've been dressing lolita. I went through a visual kei/j-pop phase in highschool, and I wear gal-ish stuff from time to time now, so if anything, I think my mom is having an easier time buying me random clothes that look similar to my current style since lolita and gal aren't as...hard to find as visual kei/j-pop stuff? I don't know anymore, haha.
    Either way, I haven't mentioned it to them. My dad didn't even ask me where I got my IW dress the first day I wore it. So...no problems here?

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  7. I've been a goth for ages, so mom and dad are pretty used to me dressing strange... And Lolita is a style that I got into without even telling them first. XD Dad does not think the style look nice and he has told me that straight out, but he lets me do and wear what I want. ^^ Mom is a bit more sceptical. She thinks it looks nice, but isn't too keen on letting me wear it out in public. But she also lets me do what I want. Sometimes she says I shouldn't, but she doesn't stop me. ^^ So it's all okay.

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  8. I think it helps to start with casual styles. That's not saying you shouldn't start without any pink, sax, mint etc, but gradually easing into floofier petticoats and MOAR ruffles, pink, cake, sweets, ... makes it easier for the 'rentals to accept because hey, who's going to complain if you like to wear blouses and skirts?

    That's the way I did it, anyway. Got two dresses from Chinese brands, one very toned-down IW one, two simple(-ish, for Lolita anyway) blouses, a petticoat and a nice skirt, and then gradually started pimpin' it up. I'm more for classic and casual styles anyway, and tend to regard the "rules" more as guidelines than anything else-- wouldn't even necessarily call what I wear lolita most of the time. Fact is though, the few times I DID wear the frills full-out, nobody batted an eye because they were used to my bit-too-much for the occasion clothes already.

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  9. awesome blog. they are good tips being a parent myself (my eldest is 8) i think my kids should wear whatever they like (im hime gyaru myself)
    fuyumeuk.blogspot.com

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  10. My mother didn't pay it much mind, because I had already been a Victorian goth for several years, and the leap out of "normal fashion" had been made (and I am a gothic lolita so really not so drastic a change). Actually, I think she definitely prefers my newer, frillier look.

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  11. Regardless of the topic: I love the photo! Where ddi you get it from?

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  12. I'm pretty sure I have to credit my parents for getting me into lolita in the first place. Back in 2004, the Wall Street Journal ran an article on lolita fashion, complete with a stippling portrait of a Japanese lolita in a BTSSB floppy bonnet. My parents clipped the article for me, thinking it would be something I'd like, and thus, the love affair was born!

    Back in those days, lolita clothing was extremely inaccessible to the West, and as a 15 year old, I couldn't afford shopping services and brand. I grew up as a lolita mostly on vintage and antique finds, and keen styling and coordination! I still wear a lot of my vintage pieces, though they aren't necessarily what some people would say fit within the "rules". They are a true reflection of my heritage as a lolita, and my style as a person in general :)

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  13. Reading through the comments, it seems like most of the girls have been pretty lucky having such accepting parents! c:

    As for me, I'm not really a girly-girl so I wear t-shirts and jeans pretty much all the time. xD; The only reason my mom was pretty accepting was because I use to cosplay a lot a few years back. She is still kind of iffy on it today, though not so much that she wouldn't let me wear it in public, but she'd prefer me not to wear it when I go out with her. [Which is understandable. xD;;] I think the reason why she's not a huge fan is because of the prices and she's worried about me growing out of it, which is why she likes and supports the more classic dresses over anything else. She finds that I'll get more wear out of them since they're not totally crazy and over the top, kind of like how sweet can get, and it's easier to transfer to everyday life/wear. c: [Which is good, because as much as I love sweet I think classic is my favorite~ <3]

    Oh, that might be another tip! o: Especially if you like classic, maybe start off with more pieces within that style? It isn't too crazy and the dresses are nice enough to wear out to fancier places or to a really nice dinner. You'd probably want to leave the giant bonnets and fluffy petticoats at home though! xD;;

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  14. Mine are okay with it. Sure, my mother doesn't like everything from it but it's okay.
    She even said:"Well, something not weird wouldn't suit you anyway" xD.
    Plus, I'm 19 and earn the money for this clothing, so it's not as if they could object much.
    They'll be accompanying to a Lolita market next Saturday...We'll see what they
    think after that. But they're generally very accepting and tolerant, so no problem. I, however, still avoid the name of the fashion much. I may said it one or two times but only after they had an idea what I'm doing. I also tried to make it easier by wearing Lolita items in a casual way so that they could get accustomed to the look without looking all too strange. I, for example, wear cutsews with jeans or ordinary skirts. That way there's also nothing to worry about not wearing these items.

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  15. I'm intensely lucky, I suppose - my parents were great with my choice. My mother absolutely loves it and likes to admire my G&L Bibles and Alice Deco magazines with me, and even though my father still edges away from me in public he's fine with me looking funny so long as I pay for it myself. x3

    I was going through a "visual kei" phase back when I found it where I wore far too much eyeliner and black nail polish, and wanted all these weird clothes they thought were gothic, so they probably thought that this hyper-frilly fashion full of sweetness and light was a relief - they didn't plan for it to be a lasting love or an everyday look for me!

    I have to admit that I didn't quite get them on my terms on totally honest grounds, though. I told them I wanted to go Classic, showed them pictures of really toned-down Classic and casual outfits that looked more like pretty formal dresses, and then when it actually came to buying time heaped up on the pink and hyper pastels. Since they'd already given me the go-ahead, they weren't in a position to tell me not to wear them by then!
    But they're used to me coming down the stairs loking like a blancmange exploded on me by now, haha. And since lots of my clothes like blouses, shoes and cardigans are meant to be children's clothes, they're actually cheaper than wearing normal clothes half the time - my skirts and dresses are my only real expense. (I'm damn thankful to my mother for the genes that size me at about a child's 9-10 years. Yes, I really am creepy little!) My parents approve of how apparently cheap it is. I really do try to economise, buying second-hand as much as possible, modding thrifted clothes and scouting Ebay for bargains, but they still thankfully don't read my bank statements to notice my occasional £200+ presents to myself. >>

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  16. Princess CrystalJuly 26, 2010 at 8:44 AM

    I always feel so bad when I hear about young ladies getting into disagreements about their fashion choices. I'm one of the lucky ones, I suppose because I was already in college and living outside of my parents home when I discovered lolita fashion, so it didn't matter what they thought. Though, my mom happens to find lolita fashion adorable and has even bought me a few pieces. My dad thinks I'm nuts, but he loves me all the same XD It helps that I always dressed differently, so it's nothing that took them by surprise.

    I think you have some great advice here. It's best to open up a dialogue and find a common ground.

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  17. AHHH:) i absoloutley lover your blog, and i LOVE you. haha, not in a creepy way, you just entertain me. i meant to comment the giveaway post, oh well:( haha

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  18. My mother loves the way I dress. I think it's because my parents where hippies when they where younger, so they understand me. My father thinks the fashion is a little wierd, but he does accept it. Though they won't allow me to wear mini hats or bonnets. :P

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  19. One of the GLBs, one of the recent ones, maybe #34. XD I mostly just find semi-related GLB pictures to use in posts when I can't think of anything specific. This post's picture was extra unrelated to the post, but I love it too.

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  20. I started sewing and wearing lolita casually for about 6 months before I told my mom what it was. It was fine with her before she knew it was an actual fashion, and she said she doesn't like it and I look like a child. I tried explaining that I just like the fashion, and she accepts it now. She even told me I look cute the first time I wore it non-casually. She wont walk with me when i'm wearing it though because she doesn't like people starring at her ^_^ She is glad that my ass isn't hanging out like most teenagers these days though. She does have a problem with the cost though, so I have to buy my own clothing which is fine with me. I think overall she is fine with me wearing it it, and thinks it's cute, but she'd rather see it on someone else. My boyfriend isn't the same though. He thinks it's cute except for old school sweet, which just so happens to be my favorite style D:

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  21. Wow! Many of these ladies are very lucky! They have very accepting parents and quite frankly, I am very jealous. My parents (my mother mostly) dislike the fashion and lifestyle a lot so it becomes very hard to try and ease them into accepting lolita. They believe all the lolita myths and think it's a style to attract pedophiles. Pure rubbish. I have been trying to ease them into this by wearing cuter clothes and lacy hairbands. All proving difficult. I had a hard time wearing a dress shirt and vest together.

    In my family, if we really want something we must but a well formed argument together and state our case. I plan to present mine tomorrow. It is 10 pages long, including pictures, de-bunking of myths and comparisons to modern fashion. I do hope this goes well.

    Good luck to all you lolita's out there.

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  22. Well, my dad was/is very encouraging, as he loves it when I show my uniqueness. My mom is still a bit worried about how expensive it is, but she's decided that as long as a) I'm cautious and b) it's my money, she's okay with it.

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  23. I've been very cautious about using the term "Lolita" to describe the fashion around my friend's parents, who are very (over)protective, and who might consider me a bad influence if they found out what it's called. :(

    It sucks, because it's just a fashion, with nothing to do with the novel, you know? It can be difficult to tiptoe around them; until recently I called it "loli" around them, but what if they Googled it? Neo-Victorian, imho, is the way to go if you want max clarity while keeping the name a secret, cause it makes sense and so they don't wonder about it, plus if you Google it you don't come up with "loli con" as the first result. *sigh*

    The reason I'm so careful with these people is because this is my bff's parents we're talking about, not some random girl... oh well. I guess I'll tell them when she's 18 and out of the house (she's a year older than me).

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  24. I't seems to be pretty complicated for a lot of girls :/. My parents don't care too much about it. As I started my life as a "japan-fangirl" cosplaying, they don't get suprised when I wear "weird" clothes.
    I remember once, I was looking at some BL JSKs and my mom happened to be around, so I told her "I want to wear this dress some day, It's cute, isn't it?" and she said "Are you sure they have your size? they look so childish!" XDD "that's kind of the idea, mom :3".
    Besides the prices, they don't have any problem with me wearing lolita ^^

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  25. My mother knows that I want to wear lolita but i'm not wearing it yet. She is very detached about the fashion and she once said she hopes i'm not going to wear "that kinda clothes". My dad said once he thinks lolita terrible, but i thinkk he meant the other lolita. But my parents are nice and I think ( and hope) that if i really want to wear lolita, they'd let me.

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  26. I'm trying to slowly ease my parents into it. I'm a fan of toned down sweet and classic styles, so it's a bit easier, I suppose. My grandmother being enamored with the idea of girls wearing crinolines helps.

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  27. Mum accepted me wearing lolita fashion with one exception! not wearing short skirts >-<'
    she told me to wear short skirts only at home XD

    well i d'on't wear lolita fashion yet but i will begin this summer!

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  28. My mother's reaction to me wearing lolita was "Eh...you've worn weirder...doesn't really show alot does it? ....Can you get one with a lower top?" Lol all the girls in my family are reaaaaaallly busty so our mother dressed us as such. XD

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  29. My mother's reaction to me wearing lolita was "Eh...you've worn weirder...doesn't really show alot does it? ....Can you get one with a lower top?" Lol all the girls in my family are reaaaaaallly busty so our mother dressed us as such. XD

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  30. I was never able to wear any sort of alternate fashion when I lived with my parents, and went straight into a studio art major after moving out, during which time the ever present charcoal made me avoid nice clothes altogether. So it wasn't until after school that I was able to start wearing lolita at all, though it's something I wear nearly every day. But it was only this past year that I mixed frills and family. My Dad loved the style, as did his family. My mom and her family? Oh very much not. I heard the phrase 'you'll grow up someday' a lot over the holidays. Which was both insulting and confusing, seeing as I wear classic rather than sweet and had toned it down a lot for an introduction to the frilly me.

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  31. My mother loves the way I dress. I think it's because my parents where hippies when they where younger, so they understand me. My father thinks the fashion is a little wierd, but he does accept it. Though they won't allow me to wear mini hats or bonnets. :P

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  32. I started sewing and wearing lolita casually for about 6 months before I told my mom what it was. It was fine with her before she knew it was an actual fashion, and she said she doesn't like it and I look like a child. I tried explaining that I just like the fashion, and she accepts it now. She even told me I look cute the first time I wore it non-casually. She wont walk with me when i'm wearing it though because she doesn't like people starring at her ^_^ She is glad that my ass isn't hanging out like most teenagers these days though. She does have a problem with the cost though, so I have to buy my own clothing which is fine with me. I think overall she is fine with me wearing it it, and thinks it's cute, but she'd rather see it on someone else. My boyfriend isn't the same though. He thinks it's cute except for old school sweet, which just so happens to be my favorite style D:

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  33. I think it helps to start with casual styles. That's not saying you shouldn't start without any pink, sax, mint etc, but gradually easing into floofier petticoats and MOAR ruffles, pink, cake, sweets, ... makes it easier for the 'rentals to accept because hey, who's going to complain if you like to wear blouses and skirts?

    That's the way I did it, anyway. Got two dresses from Chinese brands, one very toned-down IW one, two simple(-ish, for Lolita anyway) blouses, a petticoat and a nice skirt, and then gradually started pimpin' it up. I'm more for classic and casual styles anyway, and tend to regard the "rules" more as guidelines than anything else-- wouldn't even necessarily call what I wear lolita most of the time. Fact is though, the few times I DID wear the frills full-out, nobody batted an eye because they were used to my bit-too-much for the occasion clothes already.

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  34. There are piles and piles of good advice regarding parental acceptance of weird clothes over at gothic-charm-school.com if anyone wants more info. In fact I highly recommend that site to all Lolitas and especially Gothic Lolitas. She's one of the greatest advice columnists out there, no offense. She's been writing since '98 I think, so there's a huge archive, neatly tagged by subject area and year. She's been wearing the style since before it existed in a mainstream fashion way and calls her particular look "Cupcake Goth".

    Personally, my mother was and still is very much against any association with anything with the word "Lolita" in it because of the book. She's never expressed a problem with anything else. She thinks cyber goth looks really dumb, but when I first went Goth she loved it because I started dressing more feminine. Before I became Goth, when I was 12, I was an accidental transvestite. She really hated that. xD
    However, she's always said that short of permanent bodily alterations or indecent exposure, I can do whatever I want. I know very well how lucky I am. XD

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  35. Well I've been wearing all black for a long time, so my mom likes the frils and lace and bell skirts . . . She still doesn't like that I'm all black but hey. ^ ^

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  36. My relatives: "At least it's not a tattoo or a piercing" :P

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  37. My parents were pretty used to me dressing uniquely, and they never really had  an issue with me wanting to wear Lolita. I suppose they found it a relief that I wanted to dress in a feminine manner, my father especially, but they also thought the style was cute. I started out showing them classic lolita, and I stayed away from anything OTT or Super sweet when first introducing them. My mother actually helps me with some of my coords because I'm just a teeny bit bad at matching colors up, and it's really neat to look at dresses with her. I wear mostly Classic, and my mother really loves the style, and anything remotely antique looking, so it wasn't really difficult. They only acted a bit displeased when they realized that I would be going out in public with them in Lolita xD. But they got used to it, and accepted it as something I love.

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  38. ChirucupcakeChanJuly 1, 2012 at 8:35 AM

    Surprisingly I had almost no trouble convincing them! I live in London, and my parents are very open when it comes to clothes (so long as I'm not going to look like a total slut).
    I went to a market near ish to where I live, where there are a TON of stores selling off brand lolita clothes and showed a lot to my mam and her first question was 'but where are you going to wear these things?' I then moved on from it for a bit and almost forgot about it. About a year ago I decided I wanted to get some loli clothes, and I think their only misgiving was the cost, even though it was stuff from Bodyline. They've been pretty much okay with it ever since, and they keep encouraging me to make the stuff myself, which I have no problem with at all ^-^
    I think what helped them along to being more okay with it - when I started actually buying stuff - was that I had been watching anime and reading manga for a while beforehand and had already been okay-ed to cosplay!
    The only problem I've had since is my dad teasing me about it, which is admittedly very annoying, but he stopped around last October so I'm good!!! XD

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  39. theStrawberryHunterJuly 1, 2012 at 8:36 AM

    I actually just today recieved my first lolita dress and wore it for the first time. I have not exactly told them about lolita but I've hinted before we bought the dress that this fashion is unique and so on and so on. But right now their initial reaaction was LOL you look stupid!!! Hopefully thats a better sign than there is no way my child is wearing this. XD good luck to everyone there trying to introduce their parents to this fashion!!!

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  40. I Really hope someone will see this after all that scrolling :)
    I am in my early teens and am a very casual dresser. I wear T-shirts and jeans + a thick fleece always as I just dont like showing much skin.I dont own a single skirt but am used to wearing outlandish things as Im a dancer. My sister became lolita a couple of years back and I thought it weird and so did my parents but shes the oldest so they didnt care. But recently I have become enthraled with japanese culture and suprise suprise I re discovered lolita!
    1. How do I start- Hair? any tips for super long blonde hair with no bangs? A cute bow maybe?

    2. Should I wait longer- I have no free time because of dancing and school but Im just bursting!!!!!

    3. Im the youngest so its harder for me. When i was 7 i went through a punk phase but they just thought i was being cute. Mum keeps on making me be "trendy" and buying clothes I dont want to wear. What do I do- mum wont allow it and dad will think hes losing "daddies little girl"

    Im so desperate I just feel like this is the choice to go with!

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    1. Yay! You've got long blonde hair too! When I first started wearing lolita, I'd mostly just wear my hair loose with the hair from the temples pinned back. Y'know, I think I'll do a post about it on my blog which desperately needs revival. I'll reply again once I've posted it. n_n

      About your mom, maybe try to bring her around to allowing you to wear Lolita by explaining that you've gotten into Japanese culture and that Lolita is very trendy over there. Try to bring her around to the idea of foreign styles being as trendy as American ones. Hope that helps a little.

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    2. Here's a few tutorials I did on my blog for long bang-less hair if you're interested: http://animelolitacouture.blogspot.com/2013/02/loliable-hairstyles-no-bangs.html

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    3. Thank you so much-love the blog- great tips :) !!! x

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  41. My dad is really strict when it comes to clothing but I really love lolita and want to start wearing it. I have already showed my mom some loliat dresses but she thinks it’s silly and very childish. I’m only 14 so I can’t get a job and my dad always insists on buying my close. How do I tell him that I want to wear lolita without him getting into a big rage?

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    1. I have the same problem with my dad. My strategy so far is starting to wear skirts and nicer shirts.Slowly get him used to it. Also remind your mom it's modest and at least your not wearing low cut shirts or skinny jeans.

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  42. Fortunately I've been lucky enough that my parents not only allow me to wear Lolita, but they helped me get the materials and know-how to make my very first complete Lolita outfit. n_n And they have nothing against me getting more dresses as long as I'm not spending a fortune on one dress.

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  43. I'm just starting out and to tell you the truth my mom seems to find this more weird than when I go drag kinging it up... which is odd cause she kinda dressed me in classic lolitaesque outfits when I was a baby

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  44. My mom's not overly fond of lolita, which is funny because my entire life (and still today,) she's been one of the most open-minded, accepting people I've known, and is weirded out by almost nothing. She doesn't mind me dressing in any other alternative styles; I dress goth a lot and I dabble in fairy kei/decora too, and she has no problem with that. Honestly, I don't think she'd have any problem if I just randomly walked out in a lolita co-ord one day-- she also knows I am girly and like to overdress sometimes-- because her biggest issue, like a lot of people, is the name of the fashion. I've tried explaining so many times that the style and the book are not connected at all, and I've used real facts to back it up, but it just doesn't seem to get through.

    Unfortunately, I also think a lot of what she's seen in her very brief glimpses of lolita on the internet is OTT, super-sweet type stuff, which she associates with ageplay or fetishism or something. I can understand where that comes from, but I tried to assure her that all of lolita is not childish looking, too. I only wear Classic and borderline-Aristocrat gothic (which I fail to see how I would look childish in,) and yet she STILL is hung up on it being 'grown women dressing like little girls.' Ugh.

    Sorry for the wall of text, I just thought I'd share in case anyone wanted to hear my experience.

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  45. It's very amusing to me that my mom actually used to dress me in Lolita-esque dresses when I was 5yo (that's what I get for having a Southern Christian mommy, lol) So, she and my dad just laugh at my current interest in Lolita. My mom thinks the outfits are cute, and she thinks it's silly how much I like them _because_ she used to dress me like that, but she's worried about me wearing it in pubic. She's worried that I'll become a victim of sexual predictors with a fetish. She realizes that I'm old enough to do what I want, and respects that, but I do my best to assure her that I'm with people and that I play it safe when donning Lolita in public. c=

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  46. I still haven't told my mum the name of the fashion, but since I dressed in a lot of goth clothing for a while she was actually relieved to see me liking things that weren't black and harsh, and her reaction on seeing my first dress was "THAT IS ADORABLE" :'D

    Strangely, it's my grandmother who disapproves. I know, weird, right? She's like "You want to be a little kid? It looks like [your seven year old sister]'s dress."

    But I don't really mind, because this fashion suits me very nicely. Being the shortest and... er, least-well-developed... girl in my family (except that sister, and I'm the oldest at 17 :|) I'm used to people assuming I'm younger than I am. And I like the fact that I can go around in an adorable pink dress and still listen to Voltaire or Christian Death without anyone questioning it, because you know, "She's a little weird".

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    1. OMG story of my life (Sept the grandma thing) I'm the youngest,smallest,doll like girl in my family and I still were an A-cup. I love limits because the girls with normal sized boobs a jealous and not the other way around!

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  47. My mum does not believe I want to dress oober girlie! I'm what you would call classic emo ie: ripped jeans, studded belt band tee and convers.... I have never been girlie ever! But when I say Venus angelic I wondered why She dressed like a doll but then I found out from the interwebs that She is lolita. I looked up lolita girls and found a whole new world and I feel in love. I have always felt I could not show my girlie side because none of the prep-girlie-girl clothing looked nice. But now I want to embrace the pink heart deep down in me and drown in frills and bows! But one thing still stands in my way.......... mom and dad.
    Well my mom is open to it (sort of) She just does not want to spend a lot of money... but this is just another mountain that I must clime. And when I reach the summit I'm going to jump in to the sea of frilly-pink-dress-whering-dieheard-lolitas!

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  48. When I'd gotten myself a pink dress for the first time and mentioned I wanted to try lolita, my mom mentioned that "it wasn't neccesairy, I already had the red lights for my room" (christmas). But when the liking came back about a year later, my mom said instantly yes and helped me pick out clothes! Turns out she'd done her own research in the time between and found out that the novel and fashion indeed weren't related at all ^^

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  49. Well, first thing I am 19, so basically my parents can't tell me anymore what to do, but on the other hand, my parents pay most of my clothes.
    I was just a little afraid to told them it's called "Lolita" because they could think of something else :D
    But I knew that my parents wouldn't say anything against this fashion when I show it to them, because my mother really likes clothes like that and my father would like to take some pictures of me in that, because he is an hobby photographer and always likes to photograph new things, beside they never really cared what I wear unless I don't look like a whore or something xD.

    So one day I asked my father if he would pay me some stuff and showed it to him, he really like it and said, yes ^-^

    I am happy to have parents who let me wear what I want, I am sure the parents of a friend of mine wouldn't like it, if she would go out like this.

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  50. I was wondering if some one could offer me some advice... there is a convention in a few months and I wanted some advice on whether or not I should attempt to get a full coordinate or whether I should wait until I'm more eased into the fashion first. (Background info: I've been reading up on lolita and checking out a ton of pages about how to get started and how to bring it up and I am still about apprehensive about bringing it up. I am trying to ease into it [I am wearing nicer more feminine clothes with some cuter elements] and I really do love the fashion. I have never really been a weird dressing person and I haven't brought it up to them at all yet. Also I am 16 if that matters to anyone. Any advice would be helpful and thank anyone who has read this far n-n )

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    1. I say go for it. I just got into lolita myself and I'm jumping full into it, Sort of. I can't become a lifestyle lolita just yet because I have a ton of younger siblings.
      I think you should wear it to the con, meet other lolitas and have fun and screw everyone else who thinks that you are weird/crazy/inane. I just plain told my mom about it and she doesn't care what i wear as long as it's modest. But then I have a job and can buy my own clothes.
      Life is too short for regrets, if you feel more comfortable easing into the pool, then who I am to stop you? I just happen like to jumping in and discombobulating people.

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  51. Unlike many of the commentators here, my non-lolita wardrobe does tend towards the ridonkulously frilly, cute, poofy, princessy, and black so I'm pretty sure my parents think gothic lolita is simply a natural progression from it all (just with a petti added). They do think it's horribly expensive (even Bodyline) since my mom's a super-bargain-bin type of person who rarely spends more than $30 on a dress for me, even with the lace and frills, so I have to ask my grandmother to use her super seamstress powers to make me something or struggle through sewing for myself by hand. I think they're mostly just surprised about my enthusiasm for new clothes, which has absolutely never happened before. They do think it's costumey (and the sailor lolita stuff I made myself doesn't help) but we're finally going together to a con in just a couple of days and I will be dragging my mom to a Lolita 101 panel so I really hope that would bring a greater understanding. There's a rather large (and vaguely intimidating) lolita community where I live and I hope to show my parents that I'm definitely not the only one dressing like a frilly-frilly-princess.

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  52. A friend of mine is currently going through this. And it's not as if the switch she's making is huge (like jeans to pink cupcake skirt), she's going from casual punk and gothic to punk and gothic lolita. Sadly, her parents seem so much against it. They'se simply FORBIDDEN her from buying shoes with bows or a petticoat that's over €20 because it's all 'too cutesy and it won't fit her and she won't like her', and 'you dn't see petticoats so why should it be a good/pretty one?'
    She's not old enough for a job yet, so she doesn't know how she's going to get a real wardrobe aside from Bodyline.

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  53. I love lolita but my parents just say that I look fat in it :(
    I know that lolitas can be of all sizes and shapes but my parents don't care.

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    1. That's a little discouraging of them. :( In the end, I think what truly matters is how you feel and how happy you are in lolita and not what anyone else thinks. :3 Hang in there. *hugs*

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  54. I haven't talked to my parents about my intention of wearing lolita, but I think my mom would be fine with it as long as it's not too out there and if I tell her it's based on Victorian fashion (which she does like). XD My dad, who knows. Either way, I'm 25 and it shouldn't really matter as long as I don't look too weird for them (till I get my own place that is).
    In any case, I'm just starting out with wearing skirts I'll be making to ease my family and me into it. It's also a good thing that I'm more of a simple Classic and Casual lolita kind of girl.

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  55. When I first mentioned Lolita to my mom she got all mad and wouldn't listen to me. I want to explain to her what it is but I doubt she'll listen. When I was telling her about nekomimi (the robotic cat ears if you don't know about them) she said I don't care about those. She also said I was trying to be Japanese! My dad is used to me liking weird things and Japanese stuff so this won't be weird to him. I've been thinking about ways to show my mom it isn't bad and I've found a few blogs and videos to help. I'm an otaku though so would the Lolita community not like me for cosplaying and obsessing over anime. My otaku hobbies are first so would they hate me for that?

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  56. My mother taught me coordination :P No joke! She had absolutely no idea what lolita was when I started to slowly get into the fashion (by wearing really casual and sometimes gothic-inspired outfits), but she's always hated a lot of things that would be considered "ita" - looking very costumey, for example. She thinks if I look like I'm wearing a costume, I can't be taken seriously and to be honest I partly agree with that. She's perfectly okay with me wearing puffy skirts and frills as long as they're not cheap frills, shiny stuff, or there's any bad coordination going on. Anyway, my style is more of a classic/gothic inspired one (and I say inspired coz I'm not a lifestyle lolita, and therefore don't always commit to the "rules" - if you visit my blog for instance it's about my job, not lolita lol) so I think it kind of helps. I don't think my mother would be okay with me wearing OTT sweet or something alike either, never tried though. She even complains of my petticoat when it's "too puffy" (and mine are basically A line!). I guess she dislikes things which can be considered "unusual", no matter how toned down they are. Maybe there are more parents out there who think similar :/

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  57. I showed my mom many times Lolita sites and still wouldn't budge you wont fit in Lolita style she says and your to big but I'm just curvy not fat thank you maybe again Ill show her again (: I'm not going to give up this is my life and I am getting a job so its not like she's going to pay for them but I'll keep trying till she cracks I'm determined and she knows once I set my heart on something that I don't give up

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  58. I'm eleven this year, and I discovered lolita a few years back. Now, I'm not a girly girl- I always argue with my mom about me wearing skirts and dresses, and my friends never see me wearing skirts except the school uniform. I am known as one of those girls that beats people all the time, and I never liked frilly stuff ever since I turned six.

    I want to be a lolita when I'm older, and I'm leaning towards the Classic/ Gothic style. My parents always encourages me to wear more dresses and skirts. They also want me to dress modest-ly. Do you think that they'll accept the Classic/ Gothic lolita look?

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  59. I got lucky, my mom doesn't care what I wear as long as it's modest and I like it. I also have a job too.
    As for right now, I only have a blouse but I'm planning on building my first coord in the next month. I plan on doing sweet lolita because it fits my personality and when I have more money and experience, I'll expand.

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  60. I've gone through sooo many fashion phases. When I was about 8 - 9 I was really relaxed and didn't really like dressing up or whatever, I was kind of a tomboy I guess? And then when I was 10 - 11 I hit my scene phase HARD. I cringe looking at old pics haha. When I was around 12 I got really into gothic victorian styles, inspired by Emilie Autumn. When I was 13 I wore mostly black, and now I'm 14, turning 15 in October, and I'm very into lolita (though I don't own any lolita items yet, I watch lolita youtube vids non stop lol) and pale grunge and seapunk. I've never really found a fashion style that I'm 100% happy with.

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  61. My mom told me this exactly when i wanted to start Lolita, "If that's what you want to do, then go ahead"

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  62. My parents didn't actually care. But I can't seem to convince my older sister that it's not a fetish no matter what I say.

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