Ask Miss Caro-chan: Younger Lolitas At Meetups

Todays Ask Miss Caro-chan comes from Confused Younger Lolita, and she asks
How do you feel about younger lolitas coming to meetups? I'm thirteen, and most of the lolitas in my area are at least 18. From what I can tell, not many older lolitas like younger lolitas coming to their meetups. I wouldn't want to go to one without telling everyone, then it would be awkward. So, how do you feel about it? I mean, it's not like I'm going to be "DURR HURR HURR PENIS I AM TEENAGED DURR HURR."
Okay, so maybe you're not as young as that picture XD I just really wanted an excuse to use it since it's so cute! Younger Lolitas are certainly welcome at most meetups, but it honestly all depends on your specific meetup group. Get to know your local Lolitas first, and do let them know that you are younger than they are. Let them see, by interacting with them on your local forums or communities, that you aren't of the spazzy HURFF A DURRF variety of teenager. If for some reason you think they are either judging you harshly for your age, or are simply not comfortable hanging around someone your age, then it would honestly be best to skip the meetups with them, because the day might just end up very awkward in either case.

The individual meetups should also be taken into consideration. If it is something like a dozen or more going to the movies and then to a cafe, all ages are usually welcome, but if it is something like 4 older girls going to dinner and then just hanging around town, it might be a little strange for everyone, yourself included, if a 13 year old were to go with them. Try to imagine the situation minus the ruffly clothes and headbows, do you think you would you feel like you are part of a group? Or like you are simply tagging along with an older cousin you barely know?

At most Lolita meetups the Lolita clothes are simply the excuse for the gathering, but not the real reason that brings people together. Other common interests besides "I like frills too!" are typically what keeps local meetups going strong, after all, there's only so much anyone can stand to talk about dresses. Truth be told, 13 year olds and 20-something year olds don't usually have the same interests. So if you're younger and at a meetup filled with much older girls, you might feel a bit left out once the meetup starts winding down and everyone is over the thrill of "OMG you're wearing a frilly dress too!" If you think this will be the case, you might want to consider going to only part of the meetup. Most meetups have two parts, an activity such as a movie or something interesting to do with a group followed by a more relaxed setting, usually at a cafe or restaurant. You might want to think about skipping the second half of a meet if you think that you are going to spend dinner staring at your plate and trying to look interested. If you feel that you will be welcome in the group and just want to meet some Lolitas in real life, by all means go to the movies or bowling or an art show with them! But know that not every situation is a mixed age appropriate situation, and know when it is time to say your goodbyes.

If, for one reason or another, you don't think your local meetups will workout for you, but you still want to be able to have a reason to get together with like minded people and dress up, try starting a club at your school. You might think you're the only one in town interested in Lolita, but the style is getting more and more popular, you never know who you might uncover in your own school who shares your passion for Lolita. Try broadening the clubs theme to anime, or even Japanese culture to try to get others interested. Here's a handy e-how tutorial on starting up a school club.

To anyone hosting a Lolita meetup, if you really don't feel like your meetup group would be appropriate for younger girls, don't be afraid to make the meetup age restricted. Having younger girls with you for the day is a responsibility, and if you feel like you cannot handle or even just don't want to bother with the responsibility, then it's best to have an age limit. Don't feel pressured to take on more responsibilities than you can handle. If you are hosting a meetup with younger girls in attendance, get in contact with their parents and let them know what exactly everyone will be doing for the day.

34 comments:

  1. This is perfect for letting the younger ones know it's not them, it's really about responsbility that others shouldn't have to handle. While younger lolis are cute (and our future!), maturity and risks are something to consider in possible future meet-ups.

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  2. I'm 28 and more like to be like "hurr durr penis!" than most 13 year olds. XD

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  3. Thanks, Caro-chan. :)

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  4. I agree with the first comment. If I was into the meetup thing, I wouldn't be too comfortable with the premonition that the girl's parents are going to hold me liable if anything less than ideal happens because she's a minor. Most of us are trying to enjoy our 20s so having the burden of looking after children kinda kills the point of a fun and carefree meetup.

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  5. Refering to sniper and the post itself-
    I see your point and I would feel the same way but that leaves us younger lolis out in the cold. WE cant GO to the meetups because of the prestated reasons. But we ALSO cant host them. Chances are most of us dont have parents willing to toat us around everywhere. We dont know how to make reservations. We dont have any means of holding our own meet ups so what do we do? Yeah we could start a club but what would you DO at it? People would get bored what activities would be done? Especially for those of us at least 5 states away from any place that could hold special meaning to a loli? Yeah there could be like a carousel but that would be a short term one or two time only thing. I'm all for starting the club but the deterants around it are pretty big. Younger lolitas need the older ones to show them how to hold meetups once they get older. Also, you'd be suprised but most of us younger children 12-13 are able to take care of themselves. If they were idiots they would have gotten a lot more hate on the forums already and probably left. You have to have a good head on your shoulders to handle things like this.

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  6. This post makes me a little sad, even though I totally understand and agree with most of it. I'm actually 15, but I'll still probably wait a while before going to any meetups, especially because there aren't many others in my area, which would make it even more awkward lol.

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  7. i had the same probelm i was 15 and thought the lolita were going to be around 12- 25 and they were mostly 18+ so I was quite intimidated, but everyone was nice ^^

    if ur nervous why don't u bring a friend with?
    greatadvice btw ^^

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  8. When I lived in AZ, we had a couple youngins come to meetups, but we generally didn't have those kind of meetups where we go out for dinner just a couple of us. I think also the "leader" of our lolita comm would get parental permission from those under 16 to come to the meetups. Which I suppose is a good idea anyway.

    /endramble

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  9. Another helpful tip would be to bring another lolita friend who's about your age. (or really any of your friends who are at least sorta interested can borrow your clothes.)Then if you feel left out, you could at least have someone to talk to. But don't spend ALL your time with that one friend, or you will be further seperated from the other lolis.

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  10. I have this problem, except all the lolis in my area are younger than me (14-17), and i'm just nineteen! And most of them live close to each other, so they're close friends, and I feel left out. I do feel akward being with younger girls, but I just try to be nice and keep in mind that they are nice girls who have tastes similar to mine.

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  11. @Serapha

    1) Do you know how to plan and imagine things to do for a birthday party? You're off to a good start. A meet-up does not need to be a big deal. All meet-ups are different, so no one can necessarily teach you what to expect. Use the internet to look for local places and IF those places require a reservation. Look at their website or call them. They will let you know if they require reservations and how to set them up.

    2) Meet-ups at Disney, theme-parks, or European museums are, for the most part, from only a handful of lolitas lucky enough to live near those places. Those who don't live nearby and have a meet-up at such places are likely even fewer in number. Even adult lolitas miss out on those events or never even get to go. Meet-ups really should be about meeting up with people first and foremost, though. So what if your park's grass is a little yellow instead of perfectly manicured bluegrass, so what if the movie is about aliens instead of princesses, so what if the food is a burger instead of a five course French meal?

    3) Loves, stop making it only to be about HURR DURR PENIS. We are legally adults while you guys are legally minors. What happens if a minor hanging out with us lies to their parents about where they will be? What happens if we get in a crash with that minor? What happens if the plans are changed and that minor cannot get in contact with their parents/their parents have not okay'ed it? What happens if the parents forget or are late picking up the minor? What happens if the minor lies to us about who is supposed to be picking them up? What do we do if the minor wanders off? We don't want bad crap to happen to you guys, so we're not okay just dumping you off but we also don't want our plans to go from "having a bit of frivolous fun" to "watching out for anything threatening minor." I know you guys believe you can handle yourselves, but that sort of thinking is akin to believing you will never get in a car accident because *you* know how to drive--what about the OTHER cars (people) out there? That is why it becomes more of a duty to look out for you younger guys, even if we all know you're totally mellow and cool to get along with. There is a huge difference between talking to you guys online and to having to take care of you guys offline.

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  12. This is rather discouraging.

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  13. @catehime- Very true about them being our future, as corny as it seems. They might be 13 now but in a couple years they might very well be a big part of the community!

    @indigo_tide- XD Ironic that most older girls at meetups feel awkward around younger girls becaues they want to be able to yell HURF DURFF PENIS!

    @Anon#1- You are welcome! If you're the girl that asked this, thank you for asking ^^

    @Sniper- It's true, if a group of older Lolitas is simply not used to having a younger girl with them it can really change the whole mood of the meetup.

    @Serapha- There is absolutely no reason why a younger Lolita cannot host a meetup. Hosting a meetup does not a difficult thing at all and rarely even needs reservations. It can be as simple as picking a centrally located movie theather to go see something fun. I'm not here to tell you exactly what to do at a meetup or even a club. That's entirely up to you, it doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't have to be tea and crumpets at Disney Land followed by a horse drawn carriage ride, it just has to be a fun reason for people to get together for a day. And, as said above me, it's not so much a matter of younger girls not being able to take care of themselves, I never said that, in fact I know that many youger Lolitas are very mature for their age, but if something unknown happens we will still have to answer to your parents. You are legally in the care of your parents, and we are being intrusted with that care when you hang out with us. Not every meetup group is able to take on the extra responsibility that is required.

    @Anon#2- Meetups are only a minor part of being a Lolita. There are still lots of ways to enjoy being a Lolita on your own. I spent quite a few years loving Lolita before my area started having Lolita meetups!

    @Naka- Glad to know that the older girls were very accepting of you! Thank you! It is a somewhat touchy subject and I am trying very hard to be helpful.

    @Talia- We have occasional meetups with very young girls too! And yeah, it's always best to get parents permission.

    @Jane- Yes! This is a very good idea, it relieves a bit of pressure off of both parties if there is a friend along.

    @Sophia- I guess it's not always the younger girls who feel left out! You're lucky that you have some local Lolitas though, not everyone does!

    @K- XD You took the words right out of my mouth!

    @Anon- I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't even think it's that discouraging, it honestly all depends on your specific location and how your local Lolitas feel about the situation.

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  14. This goes to you, miss caro and to K,
    After re-reading my comment I realize that what I said was unable to be any thing BUT sound ignorant, and angry and immature. I'm sorry that I sounded so annoying. I was actually a bit contradictory in the comment as well. But I would like to bring up the whole "My parents are not going to want to ferry me around". I dont mean to ask for an answer to it but to show you that there are some things that do inhibit us- me personally as well. also I totally see your points and I could host a meet up but- be honest would you really want to go to a 13 year olds loli meetup? would you?
    I know that sounded really formal but If I had worded it any less formal I was concerned that I would come off angry and self-righteous. Sorry.

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  15. That's okay! I understand completely, I'm aware that it is a touchy subject. There was actually a meetup in my local area last year hosted by a 13 year old girl that many people were willing to go to. The only reason why no one did was because our area just so happened to have a big snow storm that weekend and it just never got rescheduled. If a younger girl hosted a meetup, certainly younger Lolita's would go to it, which I would assume would be the reason why she would be hosting a meetup given the situations mentioned in the post, that is, younger Lolita's not being able attend meetups with older Lolitas, and there are several younger Lolitas in the area of course. Because obviously if she felt comfortable going to meetups with older girls, she wouldn't even bother hosting her own, she could just attend them.

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  16. I would go. I am still a teen after all. I think if a younger girl hosted a meetup at the park, it would be okay.

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  17. I'm sixteen, nearly seventeen...but when I started wearing lolita at eleven, I was by far the youngest. There were a few lolitas near me but they were 18-25 years old...but I'm quite mature I guess, and we all had similar interests so I fitted in alright.

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  18. that's kinda true... I'm 13 and I can totaly understand what they mean, but also I think the loli- 13 yearolds may be more matured than the notlolit13yearolds (at least I am). Cause It's about the delicateness and elegance that normal kids may not understand.

    thanks for posting this is really interesting

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  19. When I lived in AZ, we had a couple youngins come to meetups, but we generally didn't have those kind of meetups where we go out for dinner just a couple of us. I think also the "leader" of our lolita comm would get parental permission from those under 16 to come to the meetups. Which I suppose is a good idea anyway.

    /endramble

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  20. I would go. I am still a teen after all. I think if a younger girl hosted a meetup at the park, it would be okay.

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  21. @catehime- Very true about them being our future, as corny as it seems. They might be 13 now but in a couple years they might very well be a big part of the community!

    @indigo_tide- XD Ironic that most older girls at meetups feel awkward around younger girls becaues they want to be able to yell HURF DURFF PENIS!

    @Anon#1- You are welcome! If you're the girl that asked this, thank you for asking ^^

    @Sniper- It's true, if a group of older Lolitas is simply not used to having a younger girl with them it can really change the whole mood of the meetup.

    @Serapha- There is absolutely no reason why a younger Lolita cannot host a meetup. Hosting a meetup does not a difficult thing at all and rarely even needs reservations. It can be as simple as picking a centrally located movie theather to go see something fun. I'm not here to tell you exactly what to do at a meetup or even a club. That's entirely up to you, it doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't have to be tea and crumpets at Disney Land followed by a horse drawn carriage ride, it just has to be a fun reason for people to get together for a day. And, as said above me, it's not so much a matter of younger girls not being able to take care of themselves, I never said that, in fact I know that many youger Lolitas are very mature for their age, but if something unknown happens we will still have to answer to your parents. You are legally in the care of your parents, and we are being intrusted with that care when you hang out with us. Not every meetup group is able to take on the extra responsibility that is required.

    @Anon#2- Meetups are only a minor part of being a Lolita. There are still lots of ways to enjoy being a Lolita on your own. I spent quite a few years loving Lolita before my area started having Lolita meetups!

    @Naka- Glad to know that the older girls were very accepting of you! Thank you! It is a somewhat touchy subject and I am trying very hard to be helpful.

    @Talia- We have occasional meetups with very young girls too! And yeah, it's always best to get parents permission.

    @Jane- Yes! This is a very good idea, it relieves a bit of pressure off of both parties if there is a friend along.

    @Sophia- I guess it's not always the younger girls who feel left out! You're lucky that you have some local Lolitas though, not everyone does!

    @K- XD You took the words right out of my mouth!

    @Anon- I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't even think it's that discouraging, it honestly all depends on your specific location and how your local Lolitas feel about the situation.

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  22. @Serapha

    1) Do you know how to plan and imagine things to do for a birthday party? You're off to a good start. A meet-up does not need to be a big deal. All meet-ups are different, so no one can necessarily teach you what to expect. Use the internet to look for local places and IF those places require a reservation. Look at their website or call them. They will let you know if they require reservations and how to set them up.

    2) Meet-ups at Disney, theme-parks, or European museums are, for the most part, from only a handful of lolitas lucky enough to live near those places. Those who don't live nearby and have a meet-up at such places are likely even fewer in number. Even adult lolitas miss out on those events or never even get to go. Meet-ups really should be about meeting up with people first and foremost, though. So what if your park's grass is a little yellow instead of perfectly manicured bluegrass, so what if the movie is about aliens instead of princesses, so what if the food is a burger instead of a five course French meal?

    3) Loves, stop making it only to be about HURR DURR PENIS. We are legally adults while you guys are legally minors. What happens if a minor hanging out with us lies to their parents about where they will be? What happens if we get in a crash with that minor? What happens if the plans are changed and that minor cannot get in contact with their parents/their parents have not okay'ed it? What happens if the parents forget or are late picking up the minor? What happens if the minor lies to us about who is supposed to be picking them up? What do we do if the minor wanders off? We don't want bad crap to happen to you guys, so we're not okay just dumping you off but we also don't want our plans to go from "having a bit of frivolous fun" to "watching out for anything threatening minor." I know you guys believe you can handle yourselves, but that sort of thinking is akin to believing you will never get in a car accident because *you* know how to drive--what about the OTHER cars (people) out there? That is why it becomes more of a duty to look out for you younger guys, even if we all know you're totally mellow and cool to get along with. There is a huge difference between talking to you guys online and to having to take care of you guys offline.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I have this problem, except all the lolis in my area are younger than me (14-17), and i'm just nineteen! And most of them live close to each other, so they're close friends, and I feel left out. I do feel akward being with younger girls, but I just try to be nice and keep in mind that they are nice girls who have tastes similar to mine.

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  24. i had the same probelm i was 15 and thought the lolita were going to be around 12- 25 and they were mostly 18+ so I was quite intimidated, but everyone was nice ^^

    if ur nervous why don't u bring a friend with?
    greatadvice btw ^^

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  25. Refering to sniper and the post itself-
    I see your point and I would feel the same way but that leaves us younger lolis out in the cold. WE cant GO to the meetups because of the prestated reasons. But we ALSO cant host them. Chances are most of us dont have parents willing to toat us around everywhere. We dont know how to make reservations. We dont have any means of holding our own meet ups so what do we do? Yeah we could start a club but what would you DO at it? People would get bored what activities would be done? Especially for those of us at least 5 states away from any place that could hold special meaning to a loli? Yeah there could be like a carousel but that would be a short term one or two time only thing. I'm all for starting the club but the deterants around it are pretty big. Younger lolitas need the older ones to show them how to hold meetups once they get older. Also, you'd be suprised but most of us younger children 12-13 are able to take care of themselves. If they were idiots they would have gotten a lot more hate on the forums already and probably left. You have to have a good head on your shoulders to handle things like this.

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  26. Another helpful tip would be to bring another lolita friend who's about your age. (or really any of your friends who are at least sorta interested can borrow your clothes.)Then if you feel left out, you could at least have someone to talk to. But don't spend ALL your time with that one friend, or you will be further seperated from the other lolis.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I agree with the first comment. If I was into the meetup thing, I wouldn't be too comfortable with the premonition that the girl's parents are going to hold me liable if anything less than ideal happens because she's a minor. Most of us are trying to enjoy our 20s so having the burden of looking after children kinda kills the point of a fun and carefree meetup.

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  28. Thanks, Caro-chan. :)

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  29. This is perfect for letting the younger ones know it's not them, it's really about responsbility that others shouldn't have to handle. While younger lolis are cute (and our future!), maturity and risks are something to consider in possible future meet-ups.

    ReplyDelete
  30. This goes to you, miss caro and to K,
    After re-reading my comment I realize that what I said was unable to be any thing BUT sound ignorant, and angry and immature. I'm sorry that I sounded so annoying. I was actually a bit contradictory in the comment as well. But I would like to bring up the whole "My parents are not going to want to ferry me around". I dont mean to ask for an answer to it but to show you that there are some things that do inhibit us- me personally as well. also I totally see your points and I could host a meet up but- be honest would you really want to go to a 13 year olds loli meetup? would you?
    I know that sounded really formal but If I had worded it any less formal I was concerned that I would come off angry and self-righteous. Sorry.

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  31. That's okay! I understand completely, I'm aware that it is a touchy subject. There was actually a meetup in my local area last year hosted by a 13 year old girl that many people were willing to go to. The only reason why no one did was because our area just so happened to have a big snow storm that weekend and it just never got rescheduled. If a younger girl hosted a meetup, certainly younger Lolita's would go to it, which I would assume would be the reason why she would be hosting a meetup given the situations mentioned in the post, that is, younger Lolita's not being able attend meetups with older Lolitas, and there are several younger Lolitas in the area of course. Because obviously if she felt comfortable going to meetups with older girls, she wouldn't even bother hosting her own, she could just attend them.

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  32. No need to apologize, you did not sound angry at all! I think you're getting down on yourself way too early, though, and that is frustrating. Lots of lolitas your age and older have inhibitions they have to deal with or work around, and I understand how it can be difficult, in general, to get anywhere without your own transportation. I don't own a vehicle, for example, so I miss out on meet-ups outside of my town--which is around 95% of them. One day I'll make it to one! XD

    Work within your means and make the best of now, is really what I am trying to say. Sometimes things won't go as planned, sometimes things fall through, and sometimes things work out better than expected.

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  33. This is rather discouraging.

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  34. This post makes me a little sad, even though I totally understand and agree with most of it. I'm actually 15, but I'll still probably wait a while before going to any meetups, especially because there aren't many others in my area, which would make it even more awkward lol.

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